Whispers of Truth

Listen to the angels cry
a never ending rain that continues
to reflect a pain I refuse to acknowledge
admit to me it's hard I know life is never easy
I know the decisions are just cracked doors
leading to unknown mistakes
but my beating love cannot take the pressure
I'm going to shatter into a million shards
because these confusing thoughts
are tightening their grip ever more

::
Admit to me that it doesn't always seem worth it
I know the truth seems distant and scarce
I know you want to just leave
the never ending stress behind never accept
but I'm exhausted from always running
I'll admit even if you won't that my heart
is beating in terror of the unknown
when I jump off the edge for you
will you be there to catch me

::
I would rather live forever cracked
than broken permanently never to be fixed

Show Me.

Whispers of untold secrets and longing
show me what it's like to be worth something

...
bring me to life so I can feel the wind across my face
this might be an undiscovered mistake
but one I have to make all the same
delicate traces of sin all across my body
show me what it's like to become a sacred vessel

...
I need to know if this is the right choice
I can't hold onto this hope any longer
my fingers are broken and bleeding from the effort
a forgotten dream reminds me of your merciful lies
show me what it's like to be remembered forever

...
you keep my hopes alive like a dove spreading its wings
listen to my love beat faster than ever before
how can your eyes be so blind looking right through me
when I am standing right in front of you pleading
for you to show me what it's like to be yours

Broken Fantasy

Watch the flowers slowly wilt
it's all just a broken fantasy
once replayed in your mind then cast upon the page
splattering droplets of rainbow and ash
no one will ever find the hidden secret
beneath the floor boards
...
Watch the living memories turn into regrets
it's all just a broken fantasy
grab the crystal glass spray the air
hope it covers up the sickly scent of death
gold dust floats amongst the fairies
kill them off one by one with your disbelief
...
Watch the noose tighten with every second
it's all just a broken fantasy
the windows of hell are but your soulless eyes
staring out from the sacred resting place
it's all just an illusion
playing a trick on insecure souls

Use the Key

I realize now I can't live this life
why do I to let this pain
cut through every happiness I've ever had?
I'm surrounded by cold iron bars
but the door is wide open
all I need to do is walk forward
but no matter how hard I try I'm unable to move
this pride seems to grip my legs
the fear of the unknown is unbeatable
==
Sometimes I fail to understand
how I can live this life when there is something
so much better right in front of my eyes
these sickening lies
haunt me with every tear that leaks out
every scream that comes forth
laced with a never ending pain
it's time to say goodbye
but I'm held back by transparent regrets
==
I refuse to live in this anguish any longer
only I can break these invisible chains
that keep me from freedom
I hold the key in the palm of my hand
the time has come to use it
I realize now I can't live like this anymore
my scars will heal in time
but now it's time to say goodbye
to this life I've lead

Scarred Childhood

A lie once thought to be so true
begins to lose its color around the shredded edges
my world begins to turn different shades of gray
hope flies away on silken wings
leaving me forsaken
---
A revelation begins to unfold in my mind
slowly expressing a desire that I can never allow
listen to the sad notes hidden throughout my melody
I've forgotten what it's like to be happy
forever a small child
---
Undead memories continue to haunt
creating a recess in my mind that is forever scarred
the poison of regret sinks deeper into my heart
my past life holds me captive
slowly fade away till I am nothing

Beyond Control

When the sun begins to die
the nightly havoc comes alive
laughing I act as if I have never been happier
when in reality I hide the pain that never goes away
spinning around as fast as I can unable to stop
I'm beyond all control
```
I can't seem to see straight anymore
this pleasure that only brings me pain
continues to kill the happiness I once felt every day
my humanity beats faster than ever before
I keep trying to hold onto something that doesn't exist
I'm beyond all control
```
Feel the liquid seduction running through my veins
a different form of power mixing with the drink
I'm spinning around and around
this night begins to blacken around the edges
I'm losing a hold on reality as it begins to fall away
I'm beyond all control

You Were So Easy

Your eyes graze the truth that hides behind my lashes
listen to my whispers so secretly
I swore to protect you from the lies
but the devil holds my hand
my lips curl into a smile that isn't meant for you
...
Spill your secrets held so close to your soul
my black nails tear slowly down your arms
I promise not to tell my lips breathe
but the devil holds my hand
now watch me destroy you inside out
...
Replay my unspoken words of hope
your mind begins to play tricks on your burdened emotions
I said I would hold you close forever
but the devil holds my hand
little boy you were just so easy to deceive

Eclipse of Hope

Make a wish on a twinkling star
pray that the pain will go away
watch the smoke curl and twist with the wind
then vanish forever like your dreams
you're screaming on the inside
begging for someone to hear your silent pleas
wish to fall asleep and never wake up
*
Turning I catch your eyes sparkling with inner agony
I try to take your hand so close yet so far
I'm a million miles away
but I can still hear your screams for it to end
a blood red sun sets on another lonely day
a hope once new begins to die
you've discovered the art of dying
*
Your thoughts tell you to just go and give up
it would be so much easier so much simpler
grinding your teeth in anguish tears slowly streaming
about to make a life wrenching choice
my lips move but only a breath comes out
yet you still hear me whispering your name on the wind
so quiet so strong a spark of undying hope
*
Watch the golden sun rise high in the blue sky
slowly your eyes close breathe in the peace
listen to the whispers of hope
entwine your fingers in mine hold on so tightly
I promise to never let you go as long as I live
let the warmth of your dreams flow over you
it's the beginning of the end

.Bloodstained Hands.

Watch a blood red sun set
reflect in my eyes turning them into blood lust
I tighten my grip on the blade of regret
smoke curls through my chestnut hair
body tensed to the breaking point
scarlet tears crawl across pale cheeks
it was never supposed to be this way
but I promise you
I never believed it would end
...
My lips spread in a cold unfeeling smile
your eyes say everything you've hidden from me
ghostly whispers falling on deaf ears
the sun shoots a last ray of scarlet
before abandoning the world to shadow
I continue to advance feeding off of your breathless fear
I'm afraid it's too late for apologies
but I promise you
I never wanted this
...
The moon bloated and round slowly rises
listen to the lonely wolf howl to the world
my grip tightens around the handle of death
please don't try to run from me
I loved you once but I'm afraid you destroyed what we once had
don't lie through your lips when your eyes speak the truth
tonight regret will plunge through your love
as scarlet tears crawl down my cheeks
but I promise you
I will never regret it

My Lullaby

close your eyes
the sun has begun to die
bleeding across the horizon
sing me a lullaby
as the night shadows creep ever closer
your voice caresses the melody
the silent tremors running through my body
feel the beat pulse through my veins
in time with the pounding of my heart
I'm slipping into a space of time
somewhere between waking and dreaming
I hear nothing but your voice
I feel nothing but the melody waking the soul inside me
I'm spreading my wings
standing on my toes ready to jump
my whole body tenses
as I plummet off the cliff into the night sky
amongst the stars
my wings stretch there full length
carrying me on the wind of a thousand voices
singing the same song
the lullaby you continue to sing
even as I slip into dreams
you still sing that same melody
that wraps around my heart again and again
closing my eyes
your voice remains with me
singing my lullaby

Is It Too Late?

The sun peeks through the closed blinds
turning over I watch you sleep
slowly drawing in a breath
a tear crawls down my cheek
when I remember what I've done
is it too late to say I'm sorry?
---
I bury my face in the soft pillow
my heart beats faster
at the thought of what I have done
my fingertips begin to shake
all I want to do is crawl back under the covers
and forget what I have done
is it too late to say I'm sorry?
---
Slowly pulling on my clothes
I wish I could find the rewind button for my life
I never meant for this too happen
I don't have an excuse
pain cuts through my head like a knife
tears continue to crawl down my pale face
is it too late to say I'm sorry?
---
Everyone makes mistakes
I'm not denying that I'm human
wishing I could be something I'm not
won't change this life
but these hidden scars will never fade
and my life will never be the same
it's too late

Freedom of Expression.

I know their looking at me
I can feel their judgmental glances watching me
as I keep a steady pace
can't let them see the fear in my eyes
I'm going at this alone
I refuse to let them crush my hopes and dreams
block my ears don't listen to the whispers filled with doubt
I'm trusting in my courage
I know I can do this on my own
can't let piercing eyes and cruel thoughts get to me
I know I stand out
I know I'm not like everyone else
but that's okay
I refuse to conform
you may scoff now
but when the world comes to an end
I'll be the one surviving
so I'll bear this burden alone for now
ignoring the piercing eyes and cruel thoughts
whispers of hate in one ear and out the other
I know you're looking at me
and wishing it was you

Changing of a Season.

Watch the sun slowly begin to set
stars shooting across the night sky
the flower beside your window begins to lose its petals
feel the air blow with a chill
winter is coming bringing change once again
-:-
The lazy summer days are coming to an end
feel your heart start to beat faster
with the intensity of the coming weeks
when the word slow just isn't an option anymore
my mind fights against the change once again
-:-
Watch the leaves turn from a soft green to a burnt orange
leaves crunch underneath as you hurry to make it class on time
huddle close as jack frost creeps up your spine
everything is out of my control
scaring me with the change once again

Reflection In Your Eyes

sometimes the stars don't seem to shine so bright
but you know with a glimpse of the sun
that they are still out there
just like I know that your blue eyes
are filled with the light reflected in the heavens
~
catch a raindrop remind me of the tears
that used to pour down your face
clear rivers that never stopped until I came to the rescue
with a white tissue and a hug
warmth and love
~
hope fills these small words that are scattered
across my white page of dreams
seal this letter with a kiss and make a wish on a star
let the night world plunge you headfirst into a fantasy
it's all reflected in your eyes

Good Night.

Good Night
the sun slowly dies
and the shadows creep over your face
fingertips memorizing as the light disappears
I can't believe how perfect a moment this is
I pray that you're still in my arms
when the sun rises once again
please don't let this be a loss of reality
...
Good Morning
I'm waking up to your soft smile
and my heart starts to beat a little faster
as I realize my dream is actually reality
my lips can't form words
to explain this feeling bubbling up inside me
just kiss me softly
never let this end
...
I love you

Spin Me Around

Spin me around
let me forget the torture going on inside
please I just want one small moment of happiness
before reality knocks me down again

Spin me around
so I don't have to look at these scars
covering my arms in scarlet lines
never to fade away
Spin me around
catch me in your strong arms
as I become too dizzy to stand
let this be one small moment of happiness
please just let it last forever

Don't Listen, They Don't Know You Anyway.

I see you all alone
the night sky seems so huge in comparison
to your small form
curled up as if you want to disappear

*
Take my hand
we'll run away far into the night
don't listen to what peope say
they don't know you anyway

*
I know the scars on your arms
seem to refuse to fade away
the tears crawling down your face
mix with your black mascara

*
We'll find a way
away from these fake people
who think they know us
when in reality they can't see past our scars

*
Your eyes showing so much hurt
causing so many whispers
I know you're hiding it all inside
all the torture you can't seem to run away from

*
So just take my hand
we'll run away far into the night
don't listen to what people say
they don't know you anyway

We're Untouchable

Come closer dear
and we'll run for our lives
leaving behind the strangers and silent tears
grabbing your hand
we'll fly across this forsaken city
we're so untouchable
~
Looking into your eyes
I catch reflections of the night stars
the moon is so brilliant
and on this glorious night
lets leave behind the people who don't understand
we're so untouchable
~
You and me
we'll run this crowded town
parties every night just to drown out the whispers
people stop and stare
but we don't even care
because now we're just so untouchable
~
Come closer dear
and we'll run for our lives
with the stars in your eyes
we're so untouchable

Cigarette Smoke

Cheap thrills and lonely sweethearts
pass the cigarette
watch the smoke curl
then disappear with the breeze
there's nothing left to hide
so you can just forget the dirty lie
it doesn't suit you anyway
...
Spin around in your six inch heels
flash a smile
then down into a split
lick your lips
make the good boys blush
no one knows what you're thinking
but I bet it's nothing good
...
Reach into your cute little bag
grasp your bottle of sanity
it goes down so smooth with vodka
passive eyes so heavy lidded
you're addicted to the cheap thrills
wasting away your life
look at what you've become
...
No one gave you directions
but you didn't bother to ask anyway
four in the morning
wandering the cold and lonely streets
light a cigarette
watch the smoke curl
then disappear into the dawn
...
A fork in the road
a choice to make
throwing away the cigarette
you leave your cheap thrills behind
begin a new life

If You'll Just Let Me

Dedicated to Sarah Gage
I love you so much.
You're my girl forever.

When the tears pour down your pretty face
I'll be the one to wipe them away
when the empty words tear your your heart to pieces
I'll be the one to put them back together
when the strength to live seems to vanish
I'll be the one to find it and bring it back again
if you'll just let me
<3
Your soft smile hides the torture going on inside
a mask that your put up to protect yourself
but my blue eyes are open
they see the pain behind your soft smile
<3
When everything seems to go wrong
I'll be the one to make it right
when your life crumbles into nothing
I'll be the one to fix it piece by piece
when you put your deceiving mask on
I'll be the one to take it off
if you'll just let me
<3
When you wake up in the morning
I want to be the first thing you think of
when your soft smile spreads across your pretty face
I want to be the one that put it there
I want to be there for you
to fit the small pieces of your heart back together
if you'll just let me
<3
Remember I'll always be by your side
for forever and a day
if you'll just let me be the one

Memories Of You

Even though you're gone
my memories of you keep you near
the pain I put you through torturing my mind
it's all so clear in my cloudy mind
can't seem to forget your sad eyes watching me
I'm alone in my loneliness
you are never near when I need you
but you have my hand when I can't look you in the eye
-----
Please take these memories
I'm afraid my heart will cease to beat
if I have to remember
your sad eyes one more time
I never meant to stab you in the back
he never meant what you will always be to me
an unfortunate slip
leaving me cold and forsaken
-----
Hopeless I try to clear my mind
the memory of your eyes swimming with pain
rips through my heart tearing it in two
my lips part to scream your name
but you cannot hear me when all that comes out is air
my entire being aches with silent apologies that you will never hear
your hand slips from mine leaving my fingers cold
all these memories of you I will never forget

Supergirl !

Your words fall to the floor
bouncing off the walls no effect on me
your blows bruise unfeeling skin
I'm invincible
watch as I blow you a kiss
behind your cold back no I won't cry
the world won't pull me down
I'm invincible
slam the door behind you turning the lock
no way out of this trap I've fallen in
but I'm not frightened
I'm invincible
sinister eyes turn to look at me
the world seems to be made up of lies
the sun refuses to come out no hope to be seen
but I won't be defeated
I'm invincible
because I'm a supergirl

I Wish I Could Fly

Sometimes it never seems to be enough
my world rotates around you
the breeze spins me around
lift my hands to the sky
try to touch a star
I can't breathe
--
Sometimes it never seems to be enough
my feet are grounded
refusing to move
the land across the sea
beckons me to come closer
to try something new
--
Sometimes it never seems to be enough
my heart is fighting to the death with my mind
a furious tug-of-war
but your pull is too strong
everything in me gravitates towards your smile
aching to break free
--
Sometimes it never seems to be enough
I need a sign to move on
spinning around until I cannot comprehend
the sky seems so blue to me
stretch out your fingers and graze a fluffy cloud
I wish I could fly

Perfectly Imperfect

Slowly our lips meet

my hands twisted up in your hair

pull me closer until two become one

I can't seem to get enough of you

~

Push me against the wall

hard enough to lose my breath

my hands seem to have a mind of their own

you feel so good to me I can't seem to stop

~

One small spark ignites

into something I can't seem to control

watch the flame turn into a raging inferno

I'm caught up in the heat of the moment

~

Play a tongue twister with me

give me everything

and you'll get everything in return
how can something be so wrong

yet feel so right?

Feel You Up

Want to feel you up
come on baby
show me what ya got
we'll dance till the sun comes up

*
No more worries
no more tears
just a pulsing beat
just you and me
come on baby
let your guard down
we'll dance till the stars come out

*
Watch my hips move
side to side
your aching to touch
come on baby
I'll let you come close
if you let me feel you up
we'll dance the night away

*
Take a chance
weave a spell
watch me fall in love
touch me
let your head fall back
just let it go
want to feel you up

Get To Know You

I catch your eye
watch me dance
to the beat
come a little closer
I want to get to know you

!
Slide up and down
feel the heat
liquid fire in our veins
stars in our eyes
listen to the pulsing music
maybe take this a little farther
I want to get to know you

!
Let the moving bodies
push us together
never ever fall apart
watch me dance
slow seduction on the dance floor
no more pretenses
lets get to know each other

!
Running my fingers through your hair
your hands on my body
take this to the next level
until we're soaring
on an eternal high

Out Of Reach

My lips part in a mirror
of your happiness
my senses heighten as you come close
your smile cannot be ignored

:
It's so unfair
you're right next to me
yet you're still millions of miles away
:
Laughing at your jokes
you'll never know how I feel
I take your hand
only for you to disappear before my blue eyes

:
It's so unfair
to want something so strongly
but never be able to truly have it

:
You wrap your arms around me
holding me close
only to whisper “goodbye”
do you know that when you leave
you take bits of my heart with you?

:
It's so unfair
to have to live this way
to always be just out of reach

A Broken Heart.

Slow whispers through the night
telling me how everything
is going to be alright
but I've heard all this before
it never seems to last
I'm afraid I just don't believe anymore

---
Please let me have this one moment
where I don't have to think
my eyes close my love spent
I want so badly to believe
but you play tricks on my hopes
you so wrongly deceive

---
I never wanted to say goodbye
but I'm afraid I had too
there was just no other way
I couldn't let you know that you've
shattered my love

Scarlet Dreams

Watch the blood red sun
sink slowly down
scarlet rays shoot to the heavens
as angry clouds consume the vibrant light
the last speck of color is snuffed out
dying in a red bloodbath
*
Twilight softly creeps upon the horizon
navy blue galaxy
twinkling flashes of crystal
catch a falling star
make a wish
begin to dream

A Ghost of a Whisper

A ghost of a whisper coming with the night
shut the window close the curtains
can you still hear it?
:~:
It's all around
leaking fire from your wrists
muddled black streaks down your face
you can't escape it
:~:
Unseen venom
your heart beats to an unsteady rhythm
dreams evolve into nightmares
sleep flees from your eyes
whisper in your ear
:~:
Misunderstood quiet
pull back the curtains open the window
let the ghost out into the coming dawn

Change.

So many things changing
so many things falling apart
nothing is the same anymore
:
I've changed
I'm not the person I was yesterday
I'm not the same person I was a second ago
Why can't anyone see that?

:
My thoughts collide
turning everything into a riddle
I'm a lost cause

:
Nothing is the same
why can't things stay the same?
if only for a moment

:
Listen to the rain fall
listen to the drummers beat
listen to the world shifting
never ending change

:
Hold tightly to the things that matter
for if you don't
they might change too

:
Drifting away on an ever blowing wind
nothing stays the same
especially not me

Bloodless Love

Inky darkness surrounds me
lift my eyes to the tiny points of light
in the night sky
turning I catch you
watching me
with a small smile
I grab your hand
ignoring your hesitation
I invite you closer
*
I know you're holding back
what you believe to be a monster
but when I whispered
“I love you”
I meant I loved all of you
I'm not afraid
pull me into your arms
slowly our lips meet
under the starry sky
*
Don't fight the urge
I give freely of my scarlet life
pierce my lily white neck
a flash of pain
quickly snuffed out with pleasure
I can feel you drawing
on my life force
through your pale lips
*
I'm consumed with love
slowly you lift your eyes
bloodshot with points of black
scarlet drips from pearly fangs
but I'm not afraid
brushing your cheek with my hand
I whisper
“I love you”
*
Closing my blue eyes
I drift away on a cloud of warmth
freely I gave of my gift
so you could live
you lay me down on a bed of green
tears slipping down your pale cheeks
you never meant to kill
the only thing you loved
*
Lying down beside me
you nestle my head on your chest
and wait for me to be resurrected
as an immortal creature
forever thirsting
forever consumed with love

No emotion
all the drama makes me want to choke
I'm tired of feeling like a failure
nothing I do is right
stop looking at me
leave me be

+
No answer
what was the question again?
Welcome to the show
I'm tired of hearing your voice
playing round and round
like a broken record

+
No will
the fight just leaks out
I'm tired of seeing your perfect face
blood crawls down my arms
I can't be normal
it's held against me

+
Make me go numb
block my ears
cover my eyes
I just want to be like you

Icecream

Take a walk
along the sidewalk
the sun beats so fierce
my shirt clings to me
no shade to be seen

*
Fantasizing about something cold
hear the pied pipers melody
I'm drawn to it
dig through my pockets
$1.75

*
The trade is made
careful
don't let the sweetness drip
too late
sticky fingers hold tightly
to my prize

*
Lick lick lick
so sweet and cold
too soon
my prize is devoured
my short lasting
relief is gone
no more money
time for a nap

Go Away. Come Closer.

Nothing lasts forever
slowly time rips me apart
my hands in fists pushing you away
when all I really want
is for you to come closer

---
I know my love
just isn't strong enough
if it breaks it may never heal
you're the only one
that has been able to see
through this bluff

---
My eyes ache with unshed tears
a yearning that never goes away
are you smart enough to know
that when I push you away
I'm begging for you to come closer?

---
Outstretched fingers

reach for something

that doesn't seem to exist anymore

you're the only one who has made me feel
real inside and out
---
Pull at my mask let it fall
look into my blue eyes
take my hand hold me close
never let me go
make this last forever

Fake.

I try so hard
to see the beauty in life
why is it that I only manage

to see the pain?

`

Everyone says that with time

you will heal on the inside

so why is it

that I'm still broken within?

`

I'm so tired

I just want to curl up in a ball

deep beneath my covers

go to sleep and never wake

`

I hate feeling

fake

Be There For You

Dedicated to my girlfriends

I love you

Sometimes I can be such a fake
a cracked smile
but you've always seen right through me
sometimes I can do so much evil
blood drips slowly
but you've always been able to make me feel pure

~
Sometimes I can be a selfish horror
greed traps me
but you've always showed me how to care
sometimes I can be such a coward
my heart cringes
but you've always showed me how to be brave

~
Your seemingly endless love
never ceases to amaze me
you've never left my side
you've never stopped caring
I know I don't deserve
someone so special

~
But I promise
to try my best
to always be there for you
like you've always
been there for me

Dreams*

Close your weary eyes
let your mind wander
open the portal to dreams
feel the warm breeze
sprout wings and fly away
watch the doubts slip free
*
Make a wish
remember all your wildest fantasies
watch them come true
fulfilling all your desires
take a delicious bite of freedom
savor every moment
*
Slip into a blue fantasy
hear the soft melody
let your head fall back
become what you've always wanted to be
don't let anything stop you
from pursuing your dream
*
Dawn comes too quickly
begin another long day
but don't let reality stop you from seeing the unreal
when you close your eyes
open the portal
and let your dreams come true

Pictures..

Hear the snap of a camera
create a memory
imprison it behind the lens
with the click of a button
watch time freeze
~
A laugh
seen but not heard
A blue bird
stopped forever in mid flight
A primrose
that will never see winter
~
Exhilarate in the power
to capture what will never happen again
soak pieces of life in the darkroom
watch your memory become vivid
in a picture

A Never Ending Nightmare

The rain never ceases
the sun doesn't exist in my world
the silence screams obscenities
burn the letters slowly
watch them turn to ash
and blow away forever
=
The sharp pain
leaves tracks down my arm
scarlet staining the white
my eyes glazed over with the night
tears a brilliant torture
continue to go unnoticed
=
A never ending nightmare
doubts continue to swarm
blackness chokes the blue sky
blocking out the rays of light
anger chokes the goodness in me
blocking out the happiness
=
Write my agony out on paper
drops of blood mixing with ink
claws of a nightmare dig into my mind
an unceasing hate
I'm waiting for disaster
I'm sinking into a never ending nightmare

Clear Blue

Shimmering water

so clear and blue

dig your feet into the mossy bank

pick up a pebble

throw it into the pond of clear blue

watch the ripples widen and spread

...

A blue bird calls

from a maple tree

pick a daisy

pluck the petals off one by one

he loves me

he loves me not

...

The sun plays

peekaboo with the clouds

feel a friendly breeze

watch it ruffle the maple's leaves

the petals of a daisy float

in the pond of clear blue

...

Dip in your toes

feel the clear blue

the blue bird's call is answered

one becomes two

turning I catch you coming towards me

a daisy in your hand

...

Your smiling eyes a clear blue

reach for my hand

whisper "are you in love with me?"

I dig my toes into the mossy bank

a soft smile

I whisper "Yes I am."

...

I watch

your smile turn into a grin

you pull me into your arms

two blue birds make love across the sky

as we sit on the mossy bank

dipping our toes into the pond of clear blue

Nothing.

Nothing.
Is what you see
yet pain shoots through my body
and transparent tears cascade down white cheeks

Nothing.
Is what you see
yet a smile is stretched thin
and dancing eyes sparkle with unshed torture

Nothing.
Is what you see
yet scarlet gashes cover my arm
and my heart pumps the warm blood out

Nothing.
Is what you see
so how can I make you understand
that I'm slowly dying inside?

I'm just so tired
no wrinkles on my face
but on my heart

My soul is weary
tired of wearing a mask
tired of pretending to live a perfect life
tired of pretending to be alright

I try to show you but
Nothing
is all you see

Cry. Bleed.

Trickles of my soul
crawl steadily down my face
some might call them tears
but I know it's simply liquid pieces
of my soul leaking out
Trickles of my love
crawl steadily from my arm
some might call it blood
but I know it's simply liquid pieces
of my love leaking out
Liquid pieces of scarlet and diamond
they fall to the ground
my heart and soul
mixing together
portraying the true me
through pain and sorrow

Driving Home From Boston..

Driving down the highway
snow whips in small storms
around your small car

The Coldest Heart blares from the CD player
Jack Frost plays outside
but inside I crank up the heat

A smile tugs at my lips
I steal a glance
at your impassive face
I wonder what you're thinking
but the question never forms

Your blue eyes
focusing so intently on the road
suddenly flick to mine
you crack a joke
making me laugh

Darkness creeps across the sky
and before I know it
the light is gone

Sliding down in my seat
I listen to the music
cut through your car

My breath fogs up the window
as I watch the snow
fall from the dark sky

The day is almost over
soon I will be home
and the drive to Boston
will be but a distant memory
for the both of us

The Game.

Dedicated to Hannah

Feet pounding
the roar is in her ears
eyes focused
break away from the pack

!
gain an advantage
twist and turn
she's in front

!
possessed on the inside
determination is fierce
doesn't let anyone get in her way

!
the sidelines scream
feet deftly moving
sweat dripping
mud flies

!
time stops
it's all slow motion
a dull pounding in her ears

!
all is hushed
all are watching

!
the enemy fails to recover
as she slams her foot into the ball
power pulsing
it cuts through the air

!
the goalie never had a chance
fans erupting
the scoreboard explains the excitement

!
shaking with fatigue
a grin on her face
she raises her fist

!
heads held low
the enemy walks away in defeat
victory is sweet

A Tide of Pain

How can I explain how I feel?
This aching pain inside me
that threatens to overpower

.
The pain is a tide
pulling me under
I try to drown
but somehow I cannot

.
I'm on the verge of dying
but never truly there
the sharp needle
scraping across my skin
is only momentary pleasure

.
The pain I feel on the outside
with the beat of my heart
cannot hide the unseeing pain on the inside
blood trickles down my arm
mixing with my falling tears

.
I've tried so hard to refuse
what I am becoming
but all in vain

.
The pain is a tide
pulling me under
I try to drown
but somehow I cannot

.
I succumb to the needle again
but now there are no tears
only blood
slowly a sigh drifts from my parted lips
the fight is leaving me

.
I don't want to resist anymore
my heart is losing
the end is near
I become nothing
drifting on a tide of pain

Hold On.

Time swirls around me
confusion built brick by brick
then vanishing at the touch of my fingertips

Sometimes the world
feels like a box that I am trapped in
I can't move for these walls are pressing ever closer

The gray sky threatens to pour
my hopes and dreams float away in a river
I try to stand but I end up crawling

When the easiest thing to do is to let go
that's when I know I have to hold on the tightest
so I never lose this feeling

Please Just Hold Me.

Daddy. I will always love you.
No matter what happens.
Between us.

When my world tears apart at the seams
when my heart is cracked and scarred
when my eyes threaten to drown in tears

...
Please tell me you'll be by my side
you are the protection I look for
but you never seem to be here when I need you most

...
When my day makes me want to disappear
when my soul is heavy with the pain
when the tears leave wet tracks down my face

...
Please promise you'll be by my side
when I need you the most
with your arms to hold me safe

...
No please don't talk
words are said
then they become just a distant memory

...
Hold me
touch is real
it stays with you even if it is just for a moment

...
When we throw curses at each other
when we look at each other in disgust
when all I really want is for you to hold me in your arms

...
Like you did when I was your baby girl
don't make me go through the pain again
just hold me
and let me think everything is alright for just a moment

Wicked Smile

The club is jumping
turn up the music DJ
do you want a good time?

Hips moving side to side
wicked smile
watch me go down low
You know I'm watching you

Breath coming up short
watching me dance my little dance
oh yeah I'd tap that
ha you ready for this?

People moving
dancing to the beat
spin around
try and find the girl with the wicked smile

Do you want a good time?
Turn up the music DJ
the music pulses

Bodies moving side to side
lets play I Spy
you catch a brief glimpse
is that me?

Make your way across the floor
head pounding with the sound of a raging tempo
grab me around the waist
you can't hold it in any longer

Sliding up and down
letting me bring you down low
forever on a high
pressed together

Turn up the music DJ
do you want a good time?
We're about to get dirty

Teeth nipping that wicked smile
you can't control yourself
just when you think you have me
Just when you know you can't resist any longer

I slip through your demanding fingers
and you're left alone
amongst the moving bodies
in the pulsing club

Just Let Me End This!

Tendrils of black
claw their way across my face
the grave calls to me
please don't let me go!

!
Put the steel to the vein
warm scarlet leaves tracks down my arms
my life feels like just one big fake
like I'm a plastic doll in a toy house

!
Someone please save me!
I'm scared to death
the reaper beckons to me
my body refuses to obey my heart

!
Can anybody hear me?
screams echo from my sore throat
as my heart is wrenched in two
tears leave streaks down my face

!
Someone please rescue me
I'm sorry
but I can't do this anymore
why does it feel so good to just end this?